Look, it’s been a very rough few months for me, although if you’re my friend on Facebook, you’d probably never know it. I’m not what you’d call vulnerable, not in detail anyway. I like to make a few jokes in the morning on FB and get through my day at the office by chatting with Frogtown or doing some “whatnot” online. The fact is–I’d been in some extremely serious negotiations for my life story and I’m rather exhausted. [Yes, you read that right. Yes, that means things have been super, mega important in my life lately.]
And I’ve been VERY political the past several months. My politics have also gone hand in hand with my anger, which has been a separate issue, but they’ve joined together nicely. To be quite honest, I’ve become the raging lunatics my parents are, except on the opposite side of the fence. They’re FOX news junkies. I was the Femininst Agenda girl. Both lunatics. Both biased. Both Angry Spice.
So, I’ll admit it, Angry wasn’t my best look. But, there it was in all it’s glory, like Britney’s vagina spread open for ALL the world to see.
But I’ll break it down to you, before the Facebook drama (which 5 of you saw happen)…I had a terrible, shitty, downright sucky attack on my “great” family vacation in Alaska. I was sitting in Nome, in the parents house, and you know…FOX news was getting to me after several days in a row. My dad knows I HATE that shit (and literally have hated politics ALL my fucking life, Thanks Dad!) and he still has to narrate a play by play to me about the “liberal agendas” every move like it’s the fucking NFL playoffs.
It’s not the NFL playoffs. Those make me sleepy. At least I can nap during those.
FOX news doesn’t do much for me, typically, but there was one off handed remark that was made and you know I’m not going to repeat it online because I’m afraid the FBI will track my father down and do the hunt for red october over what he said. However, it was both racist and a terrible thing to say about any president. I’ll leave it at that.
What happened in the next few minutes, after I called him on his racist bullshit is that this launched a full on family fued.
In 2.5 seconds, my mom came running out to my dads defense and so did my brother. My brother even through in the choice words “fat whale” AND “fat cunt” in the same 5 minutes. It was getting classier by the minute and it was all directed at me, the enemy, the liberal, the atheist. [I'm glad they don't know I'm bisexual. I might have been strung up outside and hanged.]
My family was insulted that I’d called my dad racist, yet he says racist things about President Obama constantly, and about immigrants (although, the family as a whole is getting better about that last one). It makes me cringe to be in the room with them for more than five minutes anymore because they can’t shut the fuck about their “views”.
And then I realized this is probably how I’ve become on Facebook, and although I think I’m “right” I’m pretty sure I’ve become more of an extremist than I originally intended on being. The ability to move from one extreme (Christian fundamentalism) to another (radical feminist, liberal atheist) is quite simple, and to be honest, I don’t have any theories or any books for you to read to back that up. It’s just an observation I’ve made.
My brother compared me to someone he and I both know–a brainless twat–who’s a liberal. He probably did it to piss me off, but he did it to illustrate a point. I’m just as bad as they are about politics, just on the other side of the fence, which doesn’t make me any less poisonous about it. It just makes my point of view different.
The fight escalated into various other issues like Why are you an atheist? Why do you hate ALL pastors? Why can’t you be exactly like us? and other things my family is well-known for saying when they’re upset. But the bottom line is, I think I had a wakeup call that I’d been needing for awhile.
Not that I needed to change who I was–I didn’t. And that isn’t the point–actually quite the opposite. I’d been slowly changing to a more moderate viewpoint for months prior to my fight. In fact, I’d backed off from a few roles as moderator on some great political sites I’d been working with and had stepped back to be an observer and nothing more in both the feminist and the atheist worlds. I wanted to be objective and I’d been feeling the need for objectivism for awhile.
I guess my point is that whether I’m constantly evolving because of my radical behavior for years or just because I’m a dynamic sort of person, I’d like to continue to do so. I enjoy changing and growing. It’s exciting in a very dull sort of world. But more than that, for me, it shows an intellectual growth–stepping back and observing rather than fighting over the carcass of some already picked over argument. [Also, meditation is supposed to be good for anxiety, and I don't think you can be angry and keep meditating. I'll keep you posted on that one.]
Back to the aforementioned Facebook fight, over Daniel Tosh. Apparently, I became an open “disappointment” to my “feminist” friends. Or at least 4 of them who openly raged at me. One who blocked me and the other who I blocked because she harrassed me all day via message and statuses about me while I was at work, dragging other people into the argument. The others who tried to start fights….the others probably just internalized their rage. To be honest, I didn’t stick around for the drama. I went back to work.
What’s weird about the internet and Facebook, and I hope to get some more time to expand on this a bit more later this week, is that this whole Tosh.O situation became an internet gang bang where rape victims everywhere cried about…comedy. Bottom. Fucking. Line. Call it a difference in perspective, or call it me being insensitive, but I didn’t see the need to go so wild over the circumstances. And because I didn’t want to take it any further than what it was–a joke, and because I wanted to defend a comic I’ve LOVED for years, people talked shit about me to my face and behind my back. I just really don’t see how this is helping make progress in “rape culture” or being dignified human beings. Because nothing says “I’m a dignified feminist” like putting another woman down for having a contrary opinion or wanting to double check rape statistics.
Maybe we don’t have the same taste in a comedian, but if you think that YOU are such a NOBLE representation of women and the values of FREEDOM and honor, then by all means, go for it. Be our leader.
But my recommendation to you, in all sincerity, is to go join a fundamentalist church, where your condescention will be fully welcome:
Bravo, Assholes of the week. You’re Angry Spice.