Category Archives: For Parents

State of California Called to Investigate Harold Camping for Fraud & Deceit

How much damage did Harold Camping’s “Rapture” fraud cause? The Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) has asked California Attorney General Kamala Harris to investigate Family Stations Inc. for fraud and deceit.

This is a notable stance from the FFRF, and one that I support completely. During my blogging career, I’ve often wondered if there’s really anything that can be done to stop cults. Sometimes it feels like there’s very little that we can do to affect change in this particular area. Many cults and fundamentalist groups stay under the radar because of their size and because most victims stay silenced.

One way to stop cults and end destructive teachings and behaviors is to hold the leaders accountable in a tangible way, which is exactly what the letter from FFRF Co-Presidents Annie Laurie Gaylor and Dan Barker are asking the State of California to do.

If states recognized the need for investigations into religious groups like this, our country would be a more pleasant place to live in and our youth would be safer from the predatory cult leaders of today.

Cult Connections: Acquire the Fire & Master’s Commission Conferences

Pre-teens and teenagers are most susceptible to groups like Master’s Commission which claim to be “Discipleship Programs.”

Master’s Commission, in particular infiltrates youth groups. They provide the youth workers, the human videos, dances, skits and sometimes the preaching to youth groups at their home churches and at churches worldwide. It’s no wonder that youth kids aspire to be “as cool as” the Master’s Commission kids.

What’s scary about that is that what you see on the stage when Master’s Commission is nothing like what you live through in an actual program.

Even worse, is that there are programs like this all over the U.S.

Take my friend, RA at www.recoveringalumni.com, for example. She writes about Teen Mania. She recently posted about Acquire the Fire. Boy, was I grateful! Here’s why. I recently found out my dad was driving his church bus to an Acquire the Fire conference. I couldn’t believe my own dad was partaking in something so closely related to Teen Mania (it’s hosted by Teen Mania, and Ron Luce is well aware of the abuse going on in the Honor Academy, which RA has exposed and written about for quite some time).

What’s so threatening about Acquire the Fire? After all, the Newsboys perform there, among other well-known singers and preachers. A reader responded to RA’s post on Acquire the Fire and pointed out in her blog, that ATF is sort of a “gateway drug” into the Honor Academy’s system of abuse, legalism and manipulative isolation from the world.

Honor Academy shows signs of being an abusive, destructive group; therefore, I would not support Teen Mania nor Acquire the Fire.

What is with these destructive groups targeting our youth groups and sucking in our pastors to believe that they should send their kids there?

I don’t fault pastors ignorant of this knowledge.

They look at the conference itinerary and see some of the most well-known and well sought after speakers and music artists in the Christian community. Of course, Acquire the Fire and Master’s Commission International Network’s yearly conference appeals to them. These conferences are marketed to everyone within that demographic as the “place to go” for youth.

Couple that with light and sound systems that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, up to millions; fog systems; musicians; and gimmicks galore, and you have everything that appeals to a young audience.

It’s no wonder people like me and RA get recruited so easily into horrific destructive groups.

But these 2 groups aren’t the only ones who destroy young people. Read Deb Paul’s story: College Days: Catch the Spirit or Control the Spirit? Deb attended Pensacola Christian College, PCC. Deb’s story starts sounding a lot like mine and probably many others who attend these fundamental Christian “colleges” or college-like programs.

Deb talks about the rule book she received:

I received the packet for Pensacola Christian College prior to leaving my home and I read the rule book. And the “things you need to know” book you received did not really include ALL the things you need to know before attending this college.

Like Master’s Commission, although you receive a rule book you don’t really know what you’re truly getting yourself into until you arrive. Even then, they usually take a few days to truly enforce the rules as strictly as possible.

Deb would get demerits for:

…wet hair, sleeping in my unmade bed at 7 in the morning on a Saturday, demerits for not scrubbing out my sink “good enough”, demerits for wearing socks instead nylons the wrong time of day. Demerits and a lot of them for sleeping through a class by accident. We were made to do everything, even be to bed on time every night at eleven o’clock.

Although I never got demerits in Master’s Commission, we got “rebuked” which is where we were called into a meeting with either the director of our program, Nathan Davies, or another staff member and a support staff member. From there, our rebuking ensued. We’d get scolded, preached at and threatened to have a worse punishment or to get kicked out if we didn’t change. We were told scriptures in the Bible that told us to be clean, to obey, and not to be rebellious or independent.

Let me ask you this: If Jesus were around today, do you think he’d approve of such abuse and destructive behavior from pastors?

How else do you think groups like Teen Mania and Master’s Commission successfully infiltrate our youth groups? What can we (concerned citizens, Christians, non-Christians, parents, siblings) do to prevent this type of abuse and the abuse that Deb faced at PCC?

6 Recommendations to Help Your Child Get Out of Master’s Commission

I recently had a request from a parent who’s child is in Master’s Commission, wondering what to do, how to communicate with their child, etc.

I think it’s important to remember that every child is different, and if they’re over 18, they may argue and fight you, but ultimately they’re still your child.

Here are 6 Recommendations to Help Your Child Get Out of Master’s Commission:

1. From a Twitter Reader: “Warn them of the signs to watch out for – abuse and being taken advantage of. Encourage their child to be aware of such things.” Print out some of the lists from this website that show what things we’ve been through in the past. Show it to them. Call them and tell them about your concerns. Tell them you love them and support them, but feel like they should be aware of what may occur and why it’s wrong.

2. Immediately put a stop to the funding of their tuition and expenses. If your child doesn’t have money from YOU, they will most likely end up leaving Master’s Commission sooner. Master’s Commission depends and RELIES on you, the parent, funding the student’s tuition and expenses. The students and staff in Master’s Commission are not allowed to work (in most cases and most programs). Therefore, when you, the parent, stop funding them, the child won’t be able to stay in the program much longer without needing a job. Personal note: If my parents had done this, my seven year stint in Master’s Commission would’ve been cut down to two or three years indefinitely.

3. Go visit the campus. Whether it’s “parent’s weekend” or not, go visit the campus where your child stays and works. Make unannounced visits to see where he or she is working and what they’re doing. Stay to see what they’re fed at lunch and dinner, and ask to see their dorms. Ask the staff or Director for a list of “rules” the student’s must follow, including a copy of any recent sermons he or she has preached. See if any Coram Deo’s, conferences, or other meetings have been recorded on dvd, or cd–especially private meetings. If not, ask the Director when their next Coram Deo (or similar service) will take place. Be in attendance. Stay for the morning prayer sessions and pay particular attention to what the staff person running the prayer time says and does.

Sometimes you may not witness anything out of the ordinary, as the Director usually is on his or her best behavior when parents arrive.

4. Pick up the phone and speak with the Director personally. Let him or her know you’d like some questions answered. Ask him or her about their dating policies. For example, at what point can a student date someone? Do they have to ask permission even if they’re on staff? What do they have to be accountable for in a dating relationship? To whom are they to be accountable? Ask him or her what the students eat and where they get the food. For example, is the food donated? Who cooks it? Who ensures the nutritional value? What training does this person have? Ask about the student’s schedule. For example, ask for a written copy of what the student’s each day. How often do they stay up all night working or practicing? Who monitors that they take their day off? Ask how often the group travels and where they stay. Do they stay on the floor? What hours do they typically pull on a road trip? Do they do manual labor for the church? If so, do they get legal work breaks?

5. Call the Senior Pastor of the church your student’s Master’s Commission group is connected to. See above for questions for the pastor (questions to ask the Director). Ask the Senior Pastor if he/she knows how often the kids work for the church and what duties they do. Are they paid for the duties they do? Do they get legal work breaks? How often are kids involved in fundraisers for the church or ministry programs? Do they get legal work breaks? Do they get paid to do these?

6. If your child is under eighteen years of age, contact the state Labor Department and report labor violations. Make sure you have a full report, including your child’s name, the church name, director’s name, type of work your child is doing and the hours they’re required to work. If they work throughout the night, or late at night, make sure to include that in your report.

Some more advice from the My Cult Life Facebook Fan Page:

If your questions or concerns were not addressed in this post, feel free to email me directly: mycultlife AT gmail DOT com or join us on Facebook and Twitter to ask all of us your concerns.

What Will My Children Be Like?

After going through a radical shift in my own religious views and thinking, I often wonder what my own kids will be like. Honestly, I get worried that they’ll find themselves uber-involved in some fundamentalist church as a form of rebellion to me.

I know I’m pretty ahead of the game here. I don’t have kids. I’m a long way off to having them, too.

Sometimes I read The Friendly Atheist. Today, the post is called “Handling Children Who Are Not Atheists.” I think one of the main concerns any “enlightened” parent or person faces, is that we don’t want to indoctrinate others like we were once indoctrinated. We like to see other people think for themselves, and occasionally or often, think radically different from the crowd thinking.

I’ve spent a good portion of my adult life as a minister, a reverend. A large portion of my activities were geared toward indoctrinating others, or supporting groups who indoctrinated others.

I’m not a fan of indoctrinating people.

Children are just little people. They need to be taught and molded, but one day, they’re going to need to think for themselves and be good adults. How do you do that without indoctrinating them?

The Friendly Atheist quotes a book by M. Anton Mikicic called god is redundant . Mikicic says (as quoted by TFA) and I agree,

“What advice do I have for my kids? Educate yourselves! As Bertrand Russell said, “What we need is not the will to believe, but the will to find out.” I do think one of the vices of religion is it teaches you to be satisfied with not understanding.”

and

“My hope for my kids is that they’re happy and confident, free to explore the diversity of life, and to discover the things they love the most.“

Those are some of my hopes for my children–education and happiness to explore the diversity of life. If my children find happiness in religion, I probably won’t be extremely happy, but I will be happy if they explore religion curiously, intelligently and with kindness.

Why I’m Not Afraid of Libel

You’ve probably heard the term slander before. You may have even heard that I’m “slandering pastors.”

Incorrect.

The correct term would be “libel.”

Libel is written word against someone else, IF it is untrue.

Why am I not afraid of libel? Many reasons. The first is this: nothing I write about Alex Jones, Nathan Davies or Lloyd Zeigler is untrue. I can either verify it (because it happened to me) or I have witnesses who can verify it happened. Multiple witnesses.

In 1964, there was a court case called New York Times vs. Sullivan. The case extended the protection offered the press by the First Amendment. L.B. Sullivan, a police commissioner in Montgomery, Ala., had filed a libel suit against the New York Times for publishing inaccurate information about certain actions taken by the Montgomery police department. In overturning a lower court’s decision, the Supreme Court held that debate on public issues would be inhibited if public officials could sue for inaccuracies that were made by mistake. The ruling made it more difficult for public officials to bring libel charges against the press, since the official had to prove that a harmful untruth was told maliciously and with reckless disregard for truth. (Source)

So, they would have to prove that I told a harmful untruth (STOPPED RIGHT THERE), and that I had a malicious and reckless disregard for the truth.

Case closed. I continue to speak. Join me. Or let them keep intimidating people into silence.

Where Do I Stand? by Aaron Gates

Where do I stand?

A Guest Post by Aaron Gates

After leaving a church group that I had been “professionally” affiliated with for five years I had a lot of questions to ask myself. I had to ask myself where to go to church; who my real friends were. Everyone I associated with on a regular basis I went to church with. When the dam finally broke I was engaged and about to start pre-marital counseling with the pastor. I was living with a family from the church. Two of the teenagers I worked closely with in the youth group lived in that house. It was a Thursday afternoon when I had finished up my extremely heated conversation with my pastor by telling him I was going to find somewhere else to go to church. When I got home I told the guys that I had a disagreement with Pastor S. and would not be going to church with them any more. When their Grandmother got home a little later I gave her the same vague description of why I was leaving. She said something very interesting to me. She said, and I quote, “You know what really happened is going to come out so you might as well tell me.” She was right and I knew it. So I responded, “You’re probably right but you aren’t going to hear it from me.” I promised myself I would not bad mouth the pastor to any of the church members or anyone affiliated with the church.

To this day I have not.

I have had more opportunities than I can count to tell people how badly I was treated. How violated I felt by people I trusted. I could have told the truth. I did not. Unfortunately I was not afforded the same courtesy.

The people at the church had always talked about our relationship as if we were family. So when I stopped attending that church I did not know what to expect.

Would they continue to treat me like family, or was I only family when I attended church with them?

So I was hurt when I realized that I was only a family member when I was a church member. I felt like I was mourning the death of myself; like part of who I was died, because part of me did. A huge part of my life was over, and I felt empty. I was stressed out by trying to live up to the expectations and standards that were set for me from the time I was 18. Then I felt broken and lost.

The conflict at the root of everything was that my relationship with God was founded on what I had been taught and told and made to experience. My relationship with God had been corralled in a direction that a pastor wanted me to go. I had a need to find out what I believed and needed to reconcile that with all that I had been taught for the past ten or so years.

I had to decide for myself where I stood.

What do I believe? That is a scary question.

I wanted to know if believing in God was even worth it. It took me a very long time to work everything out.

I wrote that like I have it all worked out. That’s funny. I don’t!

However, there are some things I know. I know that God loves me and He sent His Son to the world for that reason. I know that I chose to live for God before I went to Masters or to the church. I know that my relationship with Him is based on our mutual experience with each other. I believe that He is the way the truth and the life and no one can go to the Father except through Him. I also know that everyone has a different reaction to difficult situations and I don’t expect everyone to believe that. I know that in the church that God wants to see in the world there is room for everyone and room for different opinions and different convictions.

Some will say that there is only one way to be a Christian. I know that God made every person on earth different. Based on that, there are roughly six billion ways to have a relationship with God and it is not my place or anyone else’s to determine what that should look like for anyone. I also know that I lost sight of God because I was more concerned with what a group of people thought about me than what God thought about me. I know that I will never be in ministry in any capacity again, by choice.

But most importantly, I know God.

My name is Aaron Gates I live in Gulfport, MS with my wife Jenny and brand new daughter Rebecca. I have been blogging about my experience as a Christian and a new dad since August 2010. If anyone wants to contact me to talk about your experience in Master’s Commission, ministry, or anything else, I’d love to hear from you: aaron.p.gates@gmail.com.

Check out my blog.

Finding a Therapist

Today, I’m back at the therapist search. After moving, I ended up losing a great therapist who specialized in cults and destructive groups. She’s not accepting new patients, so that’s a bummer.

Searching for a therapist is HARD work. Right now, I’m fortunate to have two things I didn’t have before: a job and health insurance. This makes the search WAY easier.

Up until now, I’ve had to search for a therapist who offered a sliding scale (they offer you counseling services for as little as $10 a session based on your income) or attend therapy at my University Counseling Center (which were free, up to 8 sessions).

I’m now searching for a therapist who specializes in cults, PTSD or anxiety. How do I know to search for that? Well, I’ve been fortunate enough to see a psychologist and psychiatrist in my days (thanks to Kaiser Permanente and CSUN’s Counseling Center), and those have been the diagnoses. So, I try to narrow down my search to someone who deals primarily with those issues. Also, take time to familiarize yourself with terms such as CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) which is what your therapist will most likely use.

If you haven’t already done so, check out International Cultic Studies Association. They provide resources, articles and this helpful page on How To Find a Therapist.

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs offers some information on PTSD, including Finding and Choosing a Therapist. Here, I went to Anxiety Disorders Association of America, where you can do a local search for therapists who specialize in anxiety disorders. Also recommended by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, is Sidran: Help for Post Traumatic Stress and Dissociative Conditions. There’s an article on the site called What to look for and how to choose a therapist.

After looking at various resources from NAMI to Psychology Today, my advice is simple.

If budget is an option (if you have little to no working budget for therapy), ask around for referrals from a University or a city/county mental health office. If you can’t find individual therapy free or low cost, consider group therapy or classes in your area.
Look for someone who specializes in your specific issue. Do some research. Know what your symptoms mean, or at least have an idea before you go.
Be picky. If you don’t feel comfortable with the therapist you chose, there’s nothing contractually binding you to stay in that relationship. If they’re not qualified, or tend to give you the impression they’re not a good fit, feel free to ask them for a referral.
Go as often as you feel comfortable, or as often as you can afford.
Remember that attending therapy is good for us (cult survivors) but it’s also something that can reopen existing wounds. Make sure you have a good support system of friends and family members who understand that this may be an emotional time for you. Sometimes an hour session can bring up emotions that last hours, days or weeks. Don’t be afraid of this, but just realize it’s normal for this to happen.
You might find it helpful to write things down. I keep notes of events I remember that I want to speak to my therapist about. I journal after visiting the therapist about what we talked about and any thoughts I had about it.
TIME HEALS and time changes things. Sometimes it takes years of therapy, years of talking about something traumatic, and even medication or alternative treatments to see improvement. Be patient with yourself. Don’t expect change to come over night, but do keep working toward it and preserve your energy for positive improvement, positive relationships and a positive future.

Submission

It’s a dirty word, that every feminist hates.

Every rebel,

every child of Satan,

every one who is outside God’s blessings

hates the word SUBMIT.

It’s a dirty word that godly leaders hate to use, but they do it anyway, for our own good.

It’s for our benefit that they ask us to submit, to obey, to be subject to what God tells them.

Right?

That’s what I was taught for years. And it’s total MANIPULATION, CONTROL, AND ABUSE.

I pulled out my journal from 2002.

It was a notebook I kept in Master’s Commission, during my Second Year. The first year I’d be considered a “leader” and a “real discipler.”

It was also the first year I was put to work in the offices of Master’s Commission and had to stay up at all hours of the night discipling young women. Yet, I paid tuition to do this.

Several thousand dollars.

I paid.

To work.

In this notebook, I kept journal notes ranging on the subject of dating to how tired I was performing Hell’s Alternative (a play our Master’s Commission wrote terrifying “sinners” into accepting Jesus).

On this particular page I’d opened, the infamous phrase nearly highlighted itself: “SUBMISSION BEGINS WHEN AGREEMENT ENDS.”

Nightmares of Nathan haunting me with these words are going to flare up tonight.

I’ll bet you a dollar.

I’ll probably be standing over my own grave, next to Satan, with Nathan cursing me saying, “Submission begins….when agreement ends! Remember Lisa? If we don’t agree, you should SUBMIT! SUBMIT WOMAN!”

Haunting little montage playing out in my head.

Control tactics are subtle.

And they suck.

Think for yourself.

My Cult Life.™