Tag Archives: reverend

FAQs

Frequently Asked Questions

ABOUT LISA
What’s next for you?
Stuff with cats. Definitely. Also, a memoir. I’ve been working on it for a very long time, but as Terry Tempest Williams said: “There’s such a pressure to write fast, to get it done, but one of the most important things in writing nonfiction is to have patience.” Memoir is a difficult genre to write well, so I’ve been learning to be patient with myself and to trust myself.

I’ll be publishing more in the future. You can always find an up-to-date bio with my publications on my official website.

Why haven’t you answered my email or accepted my friend request or Tweeted me back?
My blog began with a few hundred readers who were all friends, making it easy to email everyone back. In an unexpected turn of events, people started reading this blog and the amount of requests have been overwhelming.

As I recently posted on Facebook,

I’m sifting through my inbox at the moment, working on my book proposal and I’m seeing so many kind, thoughtful emails. I think during my moments of deep insecurity and anxiety over the past few years, I’ve failed to see just how MANY KIND PEOPLE have reached out to me.

I just wanted to say THANK YOU for each email, personal story, comments, kind words, tears and painful memories over the years. I’ve read each one and when I re-read them, many make me cry because our lives took such similar paths and like me, many of you are on your road to recovery. It’s actually very beautiful.

I’ve tried to make it a point to respond to emails as they come in but as I’m going through my inbox now I’m realizing how many emails I have not been able to answer and some of those emails are very personal stories that deserve a response.

I wish I could write each one of you your own novel-length letter (something I was once famous for doing to friends) but I can’t promise that I will. I do cherish them all and read every one, so thank you!

I am on Facebook and on Twitter. You can also subscribe to my public updates here. You can contact me via email. I read all your correspondence but may not be able to respond. My email address is info @ mycultlife . com. I love reading your stories, so bring them on!

If you are looking for an immediate answer, social media is probably the best place to find me, BUT please take the time to search my website first. I began blogging in June, 2010. As you can imagine, I have covered a lot of ground. The best way to find answers to your questions about me, Master’s Commission, Mercy Ministries, Our Savior’s Church, etc. is to use the search bar at the right, or read the blog from the very last page forward. Another resource is the Sitemap which lists every single page and post and organizes them by category. If you cannot find something, please email me.

Why don’t you feed the trolls anymore?
Making things online brings the trolls out to play. The Oatmeal talks about it extensively at the bottom of this comic: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things

For those of you who haven’t experienced trolls, online haters, etc., it’s actually momentarily debilitating, especially when you are new to it. After this long, I’m less interested in reading hateful comments and emails and I do ignore them. So, if you see me ignoring someone’s hateful comment, that’s because I’m silently judging them. I decided about a year ago that I cannot and will not change everyone’s mind. People will disagree with me and that’s okay. I welcome that, but be respectful. My motto is: life and let live. If someone wants to stay in the dark, brainwashed, extremist, etc., then nothing I can say will change that. My argument will not either.

But you HAVE to hear my story about attending Master’s Commission (or Mercy Ministries, etc.). My group was different! They’re not all like that. I swear.
I get this email often.
Regarding Master’s Commission: I spent several years in Master’s Commission and worked for the Master’s Commission International Network (MCIN). If you’re not familiar with the MCIN, please look it up before you email me so you understand this program is structured. I planned conferences with Lloyd Zeigler’s teams and know the ins and outs of many of the groups that existed during 1998-2005 because of my position within the MCIN. Because of that, I feel qualified to speak about Master’s Commission with more authority than most.

When I left in 2008, I sent eight pages of formal complaints and suggestions to the MCIN board of directors and Lloyd Zeigler. Between 2008-2010, I had several extended phone conversations with Lloyd about my complaints and about my blog. Judging from those conversations, and primarily that Lloyd supported unpaid extended internships (1 year +), I cut off all contact with him and continued to blog. My research is ongoing, and I consider my writing almost a responsibility to prevent future cases of abuse, misrepresentation and exploitation. I also consider Master’s Commission to be a physically and mentally harmful environment.

I do not endorse any Master’s Commission program. If a student/staff member devoted 7 years of her life to an organization and says that, perhaps it’s something worth looking into.

But I want to go into Youth Ministry. Isn’t Master’s Commission the best option for me?
No. Despite Master’s Commission claims, many of my peers had a difficult time getting placement in a youth ministry position. Often, they would end up taking a job any position they could in a church, or attempted to start their own Master’s Commission. Many of them took those routes and continue to struggle spiritually and financially.

I want a gap year before entering college. I plan on becoming a professional and I feel like Master’s Commission will make me a better person.
I usually stay away from statements like this, but if you plan on becoming a professional, you are ABSOLUTELY making the wrong decision to enter Master’s Commission.
But Master’s claims they use an accredited college, so I can start college in MC and continue when I leave.
As of the publication of this page, Master’s Commission is not using an accredited college despite what they say on their website. Look into it further for yourself. Your coursework will not be transferable to any accredited academic institution.

But my experiences in Master’s Commission are invaluable and have been life changing.
If you say so. I think you’re dumb. No, really.

What about Mercy Ministries?
Unfortunately, vehement supporters of Mercy Ministries seem to be blinded by what the leadership says. Since my writing about Mercy Ministries in January 2012, they have changed their website content and official statements multiple times. Their statements remain inconsistent to multiple reports that have been done by government agencies, journalists and interviews I’ve done with former residents.

Would you investigate my group or story? I see you’ve helped others.
I do take on work by a case-by-case basis. However, I’m currently not taking on any new groups. I have good news for you, though. The best research tool you have is before you and you’re on it. The computer and the internet have nearly all the answers you’re seeking. Journey into the deep, young Frodo. “Concealed within his fortress, the lord of Mordor internet sees all…You know of what I speak, Gandalf: a great Eye, lidless, wreathed in flame Webbiness.”

Seriously, though, I’ve written a lot on this site and in my eBook. I have tips for parents and students, a guide on how to find a therapist and a lot of other things. If you can’t afford it, email me, and I’ll see what I can do.

WRITING
I’m a writer. Will you help me get published?
No. The secrets are ALL mine! (Kidding, but still…no.) Here’s how you can find out more info on getting published.

Okay, seriously, I do not mean to be condescending at all. Forgive my humor. I actually cannot help anyone at the moment because of my current schedule.

I want to help young writers find their way very badly, and one day I will have time to do so. Writing, and the “calling” to be a writer is exhilarating and fulfilling. I am not (yet) giving any workshops or classes and I haven’t written any books on writing. I’m still in the learning process myself (and I hope I always will be). Besides, few people want to learn to write well, they seek me out to ask how to be published. I’ll be honest, I will make you work for those answers because if you aren’t ready to commit yourself to being a great writer, I’m not sure we are the best fit for each other. I firmly believe that you must be focused on writing well before you should chase after getting published. Take difficult literature classes, or workshops where your devotion to the craft is tested. Then, let’s talk. That is not to say you need to be perfect or know it all. On the contrary, I simply mean you must be devoted to your work and a professional standard and eager to learn.

If you really want to be published, you will find a way. You will work regularly writing, editing, reading, and sending out work. At some point, I will offer myself more deeply to this and maybe even teach regularly, but I have to devote time to my own writing first.

I am actually asked this question very often. For now, the best answers I can provide are on my website. I have writing lessons and links to online writing groups I’ve started. I will update you when I’ve decided what workshops I will offer and where.

Will you read my work?
No, I can’t right now. You can and should join a writer’s group or a writing class where you will find lots of people who will read your work and where you will improve your editing techniques.

Can I send you an idea for a great novel?
No. Please do not send me your ideas. I will not read ideas for any novels, memoirs, etc. Please submit those to a literary agent. You can find an agent at Agent Query online.

Can I take you to coffee so we can discuss blogging/writing/sleeping together?
Definitely not.

If you don’t read my work, I will stalk you and leave you hateful comments everywhere you go for the rest of your life.
Your mom will leave hateful comments.

Dear Lisa, I hate you.

Here are some kittens.

And some dogs.

 

I just need some advice from you.
I’m not qualified to counsel people. I’m a writer. I like to make jokes or paint images with words, but I definitely don’t take the “leader” or “guru” role in anyone’s life and don’t want to. In fact, I refuse to tell people what to do because I believe that you are strong enough to find your own path. You don’t need me.

You may want to consider seeking out a therapist. It helped me a great deal. There are low-cost therapists all over the country. Please check their credentials and licensing before committing to one, and interview them prior to making an appointment.

MISC
Dude, why are you so bitter?
I think I’m pretty funny but for some reason I attract a lot of weirdos here who think I’m Satanic/bitchy/bitter. If you are here reading, you need to have a sense of humor. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t take me too seriously. Sure, it’s a fucking serious subject, but (damn, Gina!) lightenthefuckup.jpg.

I think you’re really hot. Can we start talking/dating/sending nude photos to each other?
Absolutely not. However, if you want to send nudes, I’ll gladly broadcast them all over the internet. Consider yourself warned.

Can I send you a dick picture? I’m good in bed.
Save us all some time and just post it to Reddit for us.

Can I have your number?
Wtf is up with people asking for my phone number? I don’t know you. Stop asking for my phone number, dude. It’s weird.

If you’re super hot, you CAN get a hold of me here: 704-255-1887

RELIGIOUS VIEWS
What are your religious views?
For more information, visit http://www.itsnoneofyourbusiness.com.
I’m not a believer. I’m also not a Belieber. I don’t care if you are, but I do care if you tell me I should be one. If you want to tell me I should get saved, first visit this site: http://www.shutyourpiehole.com for directions on how to get a hold of me with your opinions.

Do you hate all religions?
No. Religion is a cultural norm. People grow up conditioned to believe very strongly in religion because it’s important to their family/culture. That is normal but forcing it onto other people is not. I don’t want to join your religion.

My hope is that we can get along peacefully without pushing our religious beliefs on others, and that starts with you. If you do this, stop.

I don’t like that answer. Can I email you about you should believe in Jesus?
Sure. Send it here: shoveitupyourbutthole@gmail.com

The Feminist Yawn

For the past few years I’ve been a self-proclaimed radical feminist. I’ve read Bitch magazine, Ms. magazine, Jessica Valenti books and I’ve drawn pictures of pussies eating pussies.

It all started with the introduction to Mary Daly’s book “Beyond God the Father: Toward a Philosophy of Women’s Liberation” where I first heard this: “If God is male, then male is God” and it blew my mind. I’d just left a fundamentalist Christian cult where I’d been a reverend for seven years, but my entire role there was based on when and who I was going to marry and how quickly. So, of course, realizing that the male God was the centralized issue wrong with the world sort of blew my mind. She essentially summed up what I’d been thinking was wrong with the church for years.

After blogging about the loss of my faith and my feminist views, some women I knew looked up to me as a leader in the feminist community. I have written articles about reproductive health and religion and been asked to take leadership roles in state and nationwide feminist groups. Some of these groups, honestly, seemed to be driving one woman’s agenda or attempting to enlarge one or two people’s reputation not an overall goal of liberating oppressed people or increasing diversity within the movement, so I wasn’t interested in feeding that. The feminist circle just wasn’t doing it for me lately. I’d been a moderator on one of the larger groups on Facebook for women’s rights (and enjoyed it) and had been involved in a growing women’s group, which I later found to be full of growing scandal/greed. Some women had already written some powerful critiques of the movement, and as I read threads online, I realized this group and feminist leadership/followers were far from enlightened and wouldn’t change. In fact, most of the movement seemed to be ran by materially privileged white women and none of them listened to the women from other cultures. It seemed like the same old disunity of race, class and privileged that feminism had been fighting over for years…and still, no one was listening.

This is the feminism I see today.

It was time for me to start moving away because as I saw it, the amplified voices were only pushing their personal and political agendas.

I’ve recently identified myself as post-human, which I would explain quite simply as a theory based on sci-fi/futurology in which a person admits they are in disunity within him or herself (thus why humans act hypocritical, and why even my writing this is “disunified” or hypocritical) but continues to pursue intellectual knowledge and maintains objectivity as much as possible.
Our feminist dialogue isn’t objective and it’s not intellectually rigorous. (More on this later by a friend of mine who is doing fantastic research on the bias within feminist journalism.)

This has been illustrated by the internet gang bang that occurred recently with the Daniel Tosh he said/she said fiasco which erupted into a full scale tirade against men everywhere. bell hooks criticized “rape culture” and ample information can be found online that the rape culture is over exaggerated by misused or wrong statistics. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Rape culture may be exaggerated…

Although I do not condone rape, no one was raped by Daniel Tosh…’s joke. End of argument for me. I like Tosh.0.

Some people, though, are very unhappy with my post-feminist rants. They think I should feel their disappointment. To which I say, fuck off.

Books

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cults, recovery

Written exclusively for my blog readers, Spiritual Abuse: A Victim’s Guide to Recovery is now available for your Kindle.

About the eBook:

Spiritual abuse is happening in increasing numbers around the world. As Christian fundamentalism grows, so do the numbers of psychological and “spiritual” abuse victims. Spiritual abuse is becoming a common term for those harmed in churches and cults. Lisa Kerr is an ex-cult member and former reverend with the Assemblies of God who worked with a group called Master’s Commission for nearly a decade. Today, she advocates for ex-cult members and those who’ve experienced spiritual and psychological abuse in the hands of clergy.

If you enjoy the book, please consider leaving a review on Amazon.

Table of Contents

Introduction
My Story
How Does Religion Differ From A Cult?
What Is Christian Fundamentalism?
Spiritual Abuse Is Abuse
What Can Be Done?
Report Abuse
Don’t Approach the Abuser
Who Can Help?
Licensed Psychologists and Medical Doctors
Legal Professionals
The Internal Revenue Service
Investigative Reporters
Trauma and Mental Disorders
Therapy
The Five Stages of Grief
Going Public With Your Story
Protecting Yourself Online
Being Offended
Excuses Cult Leaders Use
I’m Not a Christian Anymore
Are Pastors our Advocates?
How to Get Your Child Out
How to Get Out Of a Destructive Group or Cult
Parents and Friends
References
Mental Health Resources Online
Books on Forgiveness, Human Suffering, and Genocide
Feminist Books
Books on Progressive Christianity
Acknowledgements
Credits
About the Author

Read an Excerpt:

Spiritual Abuse Is Abuse

I went on a job interview recently and my blog ended up being the subject of the latter half of the interview. When my interviewer asked what I blogged about, the easiest answer I could find was “Spiritual Abuse” which is the standard term we bloggers use to group together those who’ve left cults and those who’ve suffered from controlling and manipulative pastors.
The man interviewing me asked what that meant and in an attempt to explain it, I listed some of what has happened to me and others I know.

He said, “Oh, real abuse.”

Lesson learned. Regardless of someone’s religious beliefs, “spiritual abuse” doesn’t mean a whole lot to someone who isn’t an insider in our community. Not only that, spiritual is a vague term that is not specific to one religious community.

What I took from my job interview was this: abuse is abuse. Whether one was raped, verbally abused, humiliated in front of a group, etc. these are defined as abuse. The numbers of abuse victims (sexual, physical and emotional) within church and religious settings are ever present and growing, with the blogosphere opening up communities where victims can discuss their abuse and recovery. The all-powerful hierarchy has attempted to silence victims for years.

In context of my own experience, it helps for me to define the abuse I encountered as psychological and emotional abuse. Almost as soon as I left the group I label cult, I entered a public university where I was able to receive professional therapy to identify the abuse I went through.

Abuse can be broken up into a few different categories: sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, bullying, and hate crimes. Unfortunately, all of these types of abuse can be found in religious and secular institutions; most institutions that have policies for mandatory reporting. Churches do not.

Why is it important to speak up about spiritual abuse? Andrew Brown, who blogs for The Guardian, says:
“…I believe that all institutions attempt to cover up institutional wrongdoing although the Roman Catholic church has had a higher opinion of itself than most, and thus a greater tendency to lie about these things. Because it is an extremely authoritarian institution at least within the hierarchy, it is also one where there were few checks and balances on the misbehaviour of the powerful.”

The problem lies there: most churches have few checks and balances on the powerful leaders who do everything in their power to protect their authority in order to rule the group. When church members trust their leader to that degree, any scandal involving their leader will threaten their belief system. Most faithful followers won’t even listen to the victim’s story because they fear they’ll lose the thing in their life that’s most sure—their beliefs.

My New eBook – Spiritual Abuse: A Victim’s Guide to Recovery

Written exclusively for my blog readers, Spiritual Abuse: A Victim’s Guide to Recovery is now available for your Kindle and your Nook.

About the eBook:

Spiritual abuse is happening in increasing numbers around the world. As Christian fundamentalism grows, so do the numbers of psychological and “spiritual” abuse victims. Spiritual abuse is becoming a common term for those harmed in churches and cults. Lisa Kerr is an ex-cult member and former reverend with the Assemblies of God who worked with a group called Master’s Commission for nearly a decade. Today, she advocates for ex-cult members and those who’ve experienced spiritual and psychological abuse in the hands of clergy.

If you enjoy the book, please consider leaving a review on Amazon or visit my author page for upcoming events.

Labels are for Soup Cans

I’m a lesbian who likes men.

 

My friend Ashley (props to her for the blog title and other phrases) suggested a book to me called Same Sex in the City. My lovely Kindle Fire picked up the sample, I read it, and then I freaked the fuck out.

I identified with everything the authors said. By all estimates, I was a lesbian. Terrified, I closed that book and decided to work on myself one thing at a time. And that one thing would not include my sexuality…for a long time.

I mean, I’ve got other things to “work on” and discover. Don’t we all?

The sad thing is, I’m all enlightened and shit. It’s 2012. I’ve been blogging since 2010 and all of a sudden I’m scared of my sexuality? Yep. I still am. I’ve made major progress–coming out as non-Christian, then as atheist, then as a feminist. I suppose that’s all good.

After my last bf (boyfriend) and I broke up, and after I incessantly talked about dating women during our relationship, I was immediately happy. My first thought, “Now I can finally date a woman!” Then I spent an entire weekend with my family to “recover” and realized that they’d never accept me. They still insult me for voting for the n-word Obama.

Tied into the “Am I a lesbian?” panic is my difficulty getting along with men. My childhood was riddled with a physically abusive stepfather who beat the sh*t out of my mom when I was fifteen and then manipulated her into staying around for 27 years. I haven’t been normal since. Around thirteen, pre-beating, I became a feminist. It was fueled out of rebellion against my dad’s sexist, machismo ways I’m sure, but also by my desire to help others. (See also: Major Childhood Issues). But at fifteen, my dad was in Alcholics Anonymous and Spousal Abuse classes where he’d gotten “saved” and “given his life to the Lord.” So, he obviously had to sit me down one night and ask me if I’d been saved.

Long story short, I was saved, became a reverend, joined a cult, etc. The story in it’s entirety is in my website, which is currently down from being hacked. More on that later.

Being saved and having an abusive father definitely played into my fear of sexuality. For example, as a Christian, being gay is something that can rub off on you. It’s a choice. It’s a sin. It’s also something that qualifies you to be called a pervert. Being a pedofile priest does not qualify you, though, because they’re doing the Lord’s work.

My father is a tea-partier, Rush Limbaugh loving fundamentalist. To say we’ve clashed in the past few years is an understatement. I do try to keep the peace, though, and I’ve found that in doing so, I’ve been forced to lead a double life. Or chosen. Either way, I’ve started running away from family conflict and in an effort to keep the peace and not make the wife-beater’s temper flare, I just keep my mouth shut.

There are few benefits to keeping your mouth shut.

In the past few weeks, things in my family have drastically changed. My parents have split up and divorce papers have been filed. While each one of us have struggled with the difficulty of this, I think we’ve realized it’s best. It’s also radically shifted something for me: I’ve become a bit more liberated. No more walking around on egg shells, wondering when I’m going to get yelled at or picked on. No more Are-you-a-dyke? talks. No more cycles of violence.

At least that’s how it feels. It feels like a big burden has been lifted through this divorce, and although I’ve come to love my father as a complex human with a good side and a bad side, I’m happy my mom won’t be treated as sub-human anymore and I won’t be treated as a threat for standing up for her.

 

 

The other benefits to watching a terrible marriage end is a huge reality check. Marriage isn’t for everyone and preventative measures should be taken to protect your assets, your individuality, and your well-being before entering a marriage (if you choose to do so). I’ve spent the several years following my exit from a cult wishing I was married with kids, not because I wanted that, but because I’d been brainwashed by the Church that a woman’s place was in her husbands home.

I’m becoming excited for my new-found liberty. My life is fulfilling and so is my job. I think I’d like kids, my own or maybe to be a stepmom, but I’m sure as hell not in a rush. I think I’m actually pretty damn content for the first time in my life. Not perfect–far from it. Fuck, I have so many issues I need a personal assistant to keep up with them. But I’m finally getting over that goddamn pressure to get married in order to “be complete.” And I can thank my parents divorce for that.

As for my sexuality…this discussion is to be continued. If you’ve had your own coming out confusion and experience, leave me a comment or Facebook me.